Those Cheating Fools

It seems that we are always adding names to our list of marriage failures of the rich and powerful but this was a particularly bad week. As we have discussed in several posts on this blog (Beyond Infidelity and That Cheating Fool), celebrity breakups make us forget about our own marital challenges and allow us a little bit of guilt-free schadenfreude. It was no surprise to anyone that Jon and Kate didn't make it, and now there are now two more political casualties--Senator John Ensign of Nevada and Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina--both of whom admitted to having extra-marital affairs. I thought Jon Stewart summed up Governor Sanford's trouble the best: "He had a conservative mind and a liberal penis."

Unfortunately, I think the poor marital role models that consume us are beginning to have a destructive effect on the institution of marriage in general. Here are the amazing and disturbing results from a new poll conducted by Women's Day and AOL Living, who surveyed 35,000 women to find out what goes on behind the bedroom door.It seems that an incredible 72% of the women surveyed considered leaving their husband and more than half (57%) sometimes regret marrying him. I guess we should ask 35,000 men the same question to get a really accurate perspective of how much trouble we are really in when it comes to keeping our marriages intact although I do not think that the results would be substantively different.

The one statistic from this survey that gives me hope is that despite the problems 71% said that they were still in their marriage for the long haul and expect to be married to their spouse for the rest of their lives.Although almost 75% of women consider leaving their marriage, almost an equal percentage work through the marital turmoil and remain committed to their marriage -- generally referred to as "working on a marriage."

We see that happening this week, as neither Senator Ensign nor Governor Sanford seem to be getting a divorce quite yet with each stating that their goal is to work through this trauma (although, we still have to hear from their wives). Each couple reacts to infidelity differently. For some, divorce is inevitable; the breach of trust can sometimes be just too much to handle. But couples who confront this breach with transparency and a desire to make the relationship a priority again along with an apology from the cheater and forgiveness from the cheatee take the first important steps to repairing the relationship.

Jon and Kate are a perfect example of the mistakes that couples make when they react to infidelity with emotion and not reason. Convincing themselves that divorce is less destructive to the kids than arguing in front of them ignores the option of learning to control their fights and protecting the family from the trauma of divorce. Make no mistake, divorce is destructive to everybody in the family, especially the kids, and should be considered the last option, and only if the marriage is irreparably broken.