Can Their Marriage Be Saved?

Since my daughter has returned from her semester abroad, it's been a battle over the remote at my house. I've been exiled to my bedroom to catch up on the news while she commandeers the family room to watch shows like "Intervention" and "Obsessed." Last weekend was a marathon of last season's "Jon and Kate Plus 8" in anticipation of the upcoming season premiere. If you don't have a college-age daughter or have been living under a rock, this is the TLC reality show about a couple with 8 children. They've been in the tabloids lately because a rumor has come out alleging an affair between Jon and a 23-year old teacher. Leave it to the tabloids to bring marriage into the popular culture once again.

Let me recap briefly: "Jon and Kate" chronicles the family life of this 30-something couple who have been married for almost 11 years. They have one set of fraternal twin girls and a set of sextuplets (three girls and three boys). As I have written before on this blog (Mixed Blessings, Mixed Blessings, Part II) children create an enormous amount of stress for married couples and are often the source of marital failure. Having 8 children under the age of 9, along with all of the attention and publicity that is associated with having a weekly TV show, the marriage was a high-risk venture and needed extra care to survive. The show is fascinating and entertaining on a lot of levels (the main one being how adorable their children are). As a marital therapist, the show is particularly interesting as a case study of a couple. Watching Jon and Kate interact with each other and parent their large brood of children, it was clear to me that they weren't good at protecting their relationship. He seemed angry and aloof; she appeared to be controlling and moody--not a good recipe for marital bliss. From what I see on the show, it seems to me that if Jon and Kate don't get professional help, they're in trouble.

As with most cases of marital infidelity, the advice that this couple is receiving is not always very helpful. Some bloggers agree that they should get marital therapy but suggest that the sessions should be filmed and incorporated into the show (this idea might help their ratings but will do little for their marriage). Others suggest that they should set aside their marital differences so they can continue to earn the $50,000 - $75,000 per episode. My feeling is that Jon and Kate have to decide what their priorities are. If they are serious about surviving together to provide a solid family life for their children they should enter into therapy sooner than later and put their television careers on hold. During one of the last episodes last year, Jon and Kate went to Hawaii to renew their vows to strengthen their marriage. They are going to have to do more than that to fix the problems in their marriage and heal from the trauma of infidelity (assuming that's true). Couples can work through the trauma of infidelity but only if they are willing to put their relationship first.

Everyone else is offering their opinion about Jon and Kate's marital distress -- what are your thoughts?